The Magazine

Democrats Are the Bad Guys

A refresher on why it is better to be Republican.

Aug 7, 2000, Vol. 5, No. 44 • By P.J. O'ROURKE
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Why? Why would anyone want a society organized around appearing on Hardball in preference to a society organized around raising kids, working hard, making money, going to the V.F.W. Hall on Saturday night, going to Mass on Sunday morning, and obeying the Scout Oath? It's important to remember that Democrats aren't just crazy, they're evil. Democrats suspect -- with considerable evidence to support them -- that they aren't very good at those latter things. Democrats need a field of endeavor where they can yak and blabber their way to the top without displaying any virtues. (And apparently, in light of President Clinton's remarkable sexual incompetence with Ms. Lewinsky, Democrats don't even need to master vices.)

But America has a representative form of government. Is it so wrong to seek political power in free and fair elections? Yes, if you're a Democrat. I say this with confidence because of an article which appeared in the house organ of the Democratic party, the Washington Post, on June 5, 2000. The text of the piece concerned, allegedly, an obscure type of great ape called the "bonobo." But the subtext was not hard to decode. It tells us everything about the America we will have if we elect a Democratic president, Democratic House of Representatives, Democratic Senate, and, in particular, if New York state elects Hillary Rodham Clinton:

The animals live in extremely peaceful, egalitarian, close-knit communities "that are held together not by male domination but by female bonds," according to Congolese scientist Inogwabini Bila Isia.

They work out most conflicts through elaborate social interaction rather than fighting, and they distribute food evenly throughout the group. They are very sexual, engaging in constant genital rubbing and other sexual behaviors with the same and opposite sex. The primary role of sex is usually social rather than reproductive. . . .

"They show us what we could be. They make us ask, why do we have to have a violent, male-dominated society?" said Gay Reinartz, a bonobo researcher and conservation coordinator at the Zoological Society of Milwaukee.

The noble bonobos have just one minor problem. And you guessed it correctly. They're about to become extinct.

P. J. O'Rourke is a contributing editor to THE WEEKLY STANDARD. His latest book is Eat the Rich.