The Magazine

Saving Danny Glover

The Saint of Fort Washington meets Hugo B. DeMille.

Nov 19, 2007, Vol. 13, No. 10 • By JOE QUEENAN
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I, for one, hope that his actions are an indication of dementia rather than a crass attempt to insult Americans. If Chávez, who has always had a few screws loose, is funding Glover because he's gone around the bend, then he will quickly be on to his next madcap adventure, and this will be the last we hear of his incipient career as a Caracasian Cecil B. DeMille. If, on the other hand, Chávez is funding Glover because he is trying to make life miserable for the American people, the prospects are far more troubling.

A man who is willing to give a Danny Glover $20 million on Monday might be willing to give Steven Seagal $40 million on Tuesday. A man willing to bankroll the star of The Cookout today is a man who might be ready to bankroll The Gun in Betty Lou's Handbag II tomorrow.

Armed with the immense revenues gushing from Venezuela's oil fields, Chávez finds himself in a position to breathe life into corpses as varied as Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Skeet Ulrich, Joe Piscopo, and yes, The Boz.

If Chávez is bankrolling the star of Chu Chu and the Philly Flash because he's mentally ill, we can all relax; this, too, shall pass. But if Chávez has put Danny Glover on the payroll because he thinks it's funny, then maybe it's time to nuke the son of a bitch. As the old saw goes: You mess with us, we're gonna mess with you.

Joe Queenan is the author, most recently, of Queenan Country: A Reluctant Anglophile's Pilgrimage to the Mother Country.