Islam in the Slammer

IN THE pre-September 11 world, the culture of correctional facilities used to rely on a certain natural order. A criminal would get busted, be sent to the joint, then along about the first time he got turned out by a guy named Fang while getting Zest-fully clean in the prison shower, he'd decide to find a community, buy a skullcap, change his name to something militant-sounding, and declare himself a Muslim.

These days, of course, with law-enforcement officials ever-vigilant for terrorist activity, many already-minted Muslims are arriving in our prison system. Consequently, the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) has issued a handy "Correctional Institution's Guide to Islamic Religious Practices."

CAIR's many critics--some of them at this magazine--have alleged that Islam's stateside image custodians are little more than shills for terrorist organizations (like Hamas) and the front-groups that love them (like the recently closed Holy Land Foundation). But that's giving short shrift to CAIR's other important work: shilling for cop-killers like Imam Jamil Al-Amin, formerly known as H. Rap Brown. (CAIR says there is no evidence that Al-Amin is guilty of shooting two officers who were trying to serve him with a warrant. A jury disagreed with CAIR--on all 13 counts.)

Of course, the above charge is unfairly reductive as well. For during the past few years, CAIR has done Allah's work. They went after the Simon Wiesenthal Center's Museum of Tolerance for featuring the Ayatollah Khomeini in its "Wall of Demagogues" display. And they've defended the faith against Liz Claiborne, who inscribed Koranic verses on the back pockets of her junior miss jeans.

But perhaps CAIR's crowning achievement is the "Correctional Institution's Guide to Islamic Religious Practices," which the group's press release says is being issued "as controversy grows over the treatment of prisoners held at Guantanamo Naval Base in Cuba." Much of the guide is fairly standard, get-acquainted fare for wardens and their new Muslim inmates. Elective medical procedures should be delayed until after Ramadan. The Koran prohibits the consumption of pork by-products "such as lard and gelatin" that are mother's milk to good Christian boys. "Worship," the guide says, "may be performed in any clean, dry place."

However after ticking through the incidentals, CAIR evidences what rock promoters used to call "Van Halen Syndrome." Van Halen, you'll remember (or maybe you won't), used to contractually obligate their concert venues to provide large vats of M&M's before their shows--with the brown ones meticulously removed. If, while backstage, Diamond Dave, Eddie, or any of the fellas grabbed a big handful of M&M's and a brown-coated candy was spotted, there'd be no show, no refunds, no sex with underaged groupies (that last point was probably negotiable).

From a prima donna perspective, CAIR's guide, if followed, would make Muslims the Van Halens of the penal system. Not only, according to CAIR, are Muslim inmates to be allowed to pray five times daily while facing Mecca, but "toilets and posters of living images should not be placed in that direction." Muslims, CAIR says, must wash their faces, hands, and feet with a pure-water ablution called "wudu" before prayer, and in the more-than-we'd-like-to-know category, we are told that "Muslims are required to shower after ihtilam [nocturnal emission] before they are able to perform any prayer."

Since Islam forbids "viewing others' private parts in public," prison showers and restrooms "should be designed to accommodate this privacy requirement." In the event that someone stashes contraband in their Koran, the book may be "inspected and if needed, confiscated." But, says CAIR, "inspection and confiscation procedures should be made in the presence of the institution's imam or religious coordinator. Should Korans be seized, they must be treated with respect. This way, correctional officers can demonstrate that they separate the actions of the inmate who violated prison rules from a holy scripture cherished by all Muslims."

CAIR expects prison officials to make all sorts of other exceptions for Muslim inmates: to let them use "incense and oil-based perfumes," to permit only guards of the same sex to search prisoners and their visitors, to allow Muslims to celebrate Eid (the day of festivity) by taking a day off from work detail. All of these suggestions would go down swimmingly if they were being offered to say, a resort owner in Marrakesh, or a hotel manager in Dearborn. But CAIR is trying to make these recommendations stick in prison, a place traditionally renowned for restricting instead of facilitating freedoms--that's why they call it "prison."