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The J. Lo Chronicles

The wild life and times of America's latest ubiquitous pop culture presence: Jennifer Lopez.

11:00 PM, Dec 16, 2002 • By MATT LABASH
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We've been witnesses to the Nobu make-out sessions, the dance-floor gropings, and the "oodles of canoodles. " (A Nexis database search of "Jennifer Lopez and canoodle or canoodling" turns up 114 entries). We are there when she declares each love eternal, then mounts her next steed before the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Her second husband lasted less than a year, after she filed divorce papers in July, citing irreconcilable differences. (He was in love with her. She was in love with herself)

Now, she is engaged to Ben Affleck, helping her compound her riches, fame, and capacity to annoy. He is People magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive." She is FHM magazine's sexiest women alive. Together, they are destined to have the sexiest baby alive, which will no doubt be raised by the sexiest fleet of nannies alive. When they do, J. Lo will doubtless simulcast the birth on MTV, helping her flack her new line of booty-less maternity gowns.

Meantime, to prove the depth of her feeling, Jen has written a song for Ben on her new album ("Dear Ben"), the lyrics of which could make you lose all six of your breakfasts: "I love you, you're perfect/ A manifestation of my dreams/ You make my body feel/ About a million different things."

As for Ben's Sexiest Man Alive status, J. Lo says, "The difference between me and People magazine is that he'll still be the sexiest man alive in my eyes when he's 100 years old." That's 70 years from now. It's a sweet sentiment. At the rate she rotates spouses (three every five years), perhaps her 45th husband will understand.

Matt Labash is senior writer at The Weekly Standard.