Larry Miller, contributing humorist

By the way, have you noticed how rarely most people ever admit they were wrong? What's the big deal? Why don't more folks enjoy saying, "Well, I guess I was all wet on that one." I love being wrong. Seriously. I like getting ideas and pitching them, and if they ultimately (or even immediately) don't hold water, I try to learn something from my mistake and pitch another one. Most people never reassess their opinions on anything: movie reviewers, political pundits, wives . . . No critic ever says, "Gee, millions of folks seem to like this thing, and perhaps they're right, but I just can't stand it," or "This piece of art offends everyone except me and my nine friends, but maybe the others have a point."

Science and math are probably the only fields on this side of the Great Beyond where facts are indisputable: A square has four right angles, the Earth is not flat, Pi equals 3.14, that sort of thing. No one gets angry at this either, since, as we all know, everybody likes Pi.

I'm sorry, that just came out. I had to do it. Well, I didn't have to, but it happened, it's done, I can't take it back. Let's all just move on.

So. Since the start of the California gubernatorial recall process (which I feel will be forever known in history as The California Gubernatorial Recall Process), I have believed and still believe that every single one

To begin with, the recall will be defeated, and Gray Davis will still be governor. The polls say I'm wrong, extravagantly wrong, but I think he'll prevail for four reasons. One, as I've said before, he's a street fighter. Two, he never seems to lose anything, even though no one ever likes him. Three, I think the largest block of voters showing up on October 7 will be people Davis has given patronage jobs to, and if you laid all of them end-to-end it would stretch to (PICK YOUR OWN ASIAN CAPITOL).

But there's a fourth reason, and it's a big one, a blockbuster: Two or three days before the election, an impish scamp (or a scampish imp) in Davis' camp is going to "accidentally" come up with a photograph of Schwarzenegger making out with Bustamante. (Not literally, but I've always wanted to use both those names in the same sentence. They're corkers, aren't they?)

The point is, unless I've misjudged my man, Davis already has something juicier than a burger on Arnold, and he's going to drop it like the proverbial you-know-what in the punch bowl. And whatever it is, true or not, there won't be enough time to undo the damage, and it's going to shake things up just enough for the governor to squeak by and be able to return to hypnotically moving things around on his very clean desk.

BUT WAIT, Arnold wins, too. Why? Because now that he's been blooded in a campaign, he can run for anything he wants and have the patina of experience. Senator, congressman, city council, there won't be any more Oui articles or slams on him, and people will be more than ready to give him a chance.