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Everybody Wins!

With one tiny exception, of course: The citizens of California.

12:00 AM, Oct 1, 2003 • By LARRY MILLER
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But wait one more time. Peter Camejo wins, too. He's the Green party candidate, and he wins because, really, what the hell did he have to lose? He's gotten a lot more exposure than ever before, he hit the themes he and his friends support, and he'll probably never have to pay for another soy-martini for the rest of his life.

And you know what? The rest of the 135-odd (just a figure of speech) candidates win, too, because they wanted to run for office, and they did. They filed, they made speeches, and in the best tradition of democracy and the state of California, they were part of the system and of history.

CALIFORNIA HAS ALWAYS been a little crazy, you know, really. It was in Twain's day, and it is with or without Hollywood. Frank Lloyd Wright once called Route 66 "a chute down which everything loose in this country is sliding into Southern California." I carpet-bagged out here, myself, and I'm as certifiable as anyone else. Proud of it, too. Hell, we're all a little loopy out here, I guess. Americans will always dream about moving to California and then, in the same breath, say, "Of course, they're crazy, you know." They're right on both counts.

For the rest of the candidates, the dreamers, the climbers, whatever they are or were, the one thing none of them is, is a cynic. And I love them for that. They got to do what they wanted, and they put their money where their mouths are, and I love them for that, too, I really do. I hope they never stop doing crazy things.

So, you see? Everybody wins.

With just one tiny exception. The actual State of California. That loses. The state and everyone in it loses. Businesses, schools, the DMV, every institution and service, every man, woman, and child. A deep and far-reaching loss.

Ah, well. You can't have everything.

Besides. Maybe I'm wrong?

Larry Miller is a contributing humorist to The Daily Standard and a writer, actor, and comedian living in Los Angeles.