OKAY, I give up. What, exactly, is a "spiritual leader"?

I'm curious, because, as any American who reads newspapers or watches TV knows, that's what Sheikh Yassin was: A spiritual leader. I never met the man, but I sure wish I had, because, after all, one can never have too many scholarly, elevated, Godly, spiritual leaders in one's life, can one?

I know his successor, Rantisi, is a good man, too, because the same publications and networks describe him as a pediatrician. You know, a children's doctor. Quick: Your child is sick, and you have a choice between leaving him in a room with Rantisi, or any doctor in Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem. That's a tough one, huh? Take your time. Ooh, come on, the clock's running . . . Just pick one . . . Guess . . . ? Oh, darn the luck! Couldn't make up your mind, eh?

Yeah, I know, I sprang that one on you so fast, but, you see, the right answer was the Jewish doctor in Israel, because he would've cured your child, whereas Rantisi would have sent him back to you looking a little bulky because of the 18 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest.

Speaking of which, did you see the pictures of the latest kid these noble freedom-fighters sent to blow himself up? I don't have any sweet feelings for the "volunteers" on these missions, but this one didn't look, you know, all there, and I think it was particularly rotten of them to

(Must be quite a board of directors they have there. Spiritual leaders, doctors . . . I wonder who else is on that letterhead? Probably students, don't you think? That's one we've heard a lot for a while. Yeah, and writers, too. Professors, pre-K teachers, business leaders. And I'll bet you a dollar they have plenty of my favorite job title of the last twenty years: "community activist." Givers. Helpers.)

And the parade of hypocrisy tunes up its instruments, and marches again with banners waving. Israel-evil, Sharon-butcher, how could you kill such a fine, old man? For the record, this fine, old man founded Hamas, insisted then and now that all Israel must be driven into the sea, that the best way to do this was to kill the Jews, kill the Jews, kill the Jews, look for the baby carriages, that hurts them most, the Jews love life, we love martyrdom. Well, you've got to hand it to the man, when he's right, he's right. The Jews do love life more than he did, and the shattered supermarkets and discos and pizza parlors hurt them most.

In World War Two, the United States tracked and targeted Admiral Yamamoto, and sent a plane to kill him, and there wasn't one freedom-lover in the world who didn't cheer when we did, and Yamamoto was a bad customer, but he didn't do a zillionth the evil Yassin did.