Barack Obama's elitism runs even deeper than previously thought. Not only does the man from Hawaii, Morningside Heights, Cambridge, and Hyde Park look down on the grubby rubes in Altoona who go hunting after church. Not only does he bowl like a (10-year-old) girl. But it turns out that even his choice in beverages is an exercise in namby-pamby privilege. Recently it was revealed that on the campaign trail, Obama's drink of choice is Honest Tea.
Yet in the matter of designer beverages, I come not to bury Obama, but to praise him. Honest Tea is a delightful concoction, and his embrace of it is a mark of high character. Based in Bethesda, Maryland, Honest Tea is a bobo Horatio Alger story: The company's founder, Seth Goldman, started the business by brewing five thermoses of tea in 1998. He took them to Fresh Fields, the forerunner of Whole Foods, where a buyer ordered 15,000 bottles.
I don't mean to brag, but I adopted Honest Tea back in 2001 and have been enjoying it in contented solitude ever since. But the company has grown. Today Honest Tea produces all sorts of teas and juices. Senator Obama prefers the Black Forest Berry tea. Of course.
But my penchant for frou-frou beverages goes somewhat beyond simple gourmet organic small-batch independently brewed iced teas. In recent years I've gone to increasing lengths to find interesting and obscure soft drinks. I eschew the everyday brands of bottled water and go straight for the $4 bottles of Voss--the artesian
water from Norway notable for being (1) maliciously priced and (2) packaged in large, sleek, cylindrical glass jars. I was drinking Snapple in the late '80s, before it had ubiquitous, annoying TV ads and scores of nonsensical flavors. In the early '90s, I was part of the outré movement that embraced mass-designer cola products--Crystal Pepsi and Pepsi Kona were two of my favorites. But when it comes to soda these days I've moved on to the brand Boylan's, which substitutes cane sugar for high-fructose corn syrup. You can only get them at high-end grocers, such as Balducci's, and they run $1.50 a pop, so to speak. When I'm feeling really selective, I'll reach past the Boylan's in my refrigerator for a Cricket Cola--which is made with both cane sugar and green tea. Try finding one of those in Altoona.
The problem is that all good soft drinks eventually come to an end. There is precious little stability in the market because a drink either catches on and becomes an object of mass consumption or fails to find an audience and dies out. From the perspective of the beverage snob, it's hard to say which is more tragic.
And, while I hesitate to break the news to Senator Obama--he has enough to worry about, what with saving our country, restoring hope, and altering the fabric of American political life--I worry that trouble is brewing even for our beloved Honest Tea. One of their classic flavors is Lori's Lemon, a delicate blend of black tea, lemon, and a hint of cane sugar. It was just sweet enough to entice people like the senator and me. And just bitter enough to offend lesser palates. Consequently, it was my favorite.
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