Life Imitates P.J.

Life Imitates P.J.

The gap between parody and reality, never large to begin with, has been shrinking alarmingly. THE SCRAPBOOK's colleague P. J. O'Rourke, for instance, suggested in a February 9 article, "The Next Big Stink," that

the next great government crusade will be against soap. The president will appoint a Blue Ribbon Commission, which will determine that soap releases polluting grime into the ecosystem, leads to aquifer depletion, and contains fatty acids that laboratory studies have shown to be acidic and not fat-free. .  .  .

As if on cue, the New York Times reported mere weeks later ("Mr. Whipple Left It Out: Soft Is Rough on Forests") that fluffy toilet paper

comes at a price: millions of trees harvested in North America and in Latin American countries, including some percentage of trees from rare old-growth forests in Canada. .  .  . The country's soft-tissue habit--call it the Charmin effect--has not escaped the notice of environmentalists, who are increasingly making toilet tissue manufacturers the targets of campaigns. .  .  .

Okay, toilet paper is not quite soap, but still a little close for comfort. Right church, wrong pee-yew, so to speak.

Meanwhile, in what we thought at the time was a satire, P.J. called early last December for a newspaper bailout ("Bail Me Out, Mr. Paulson: Print journalists aren't feeling the love, these days"):

There are many compelling reasons to save America's print journalism. And I'll think of some while the waiter brings me another drink. .  .  . If you think home foreclosures are disruptive to American society, imagine what would happen if USA Today stopped publishing. Lose your home and you become homeless--a member of an important interest group with many respected advocates and a powerful political lobbying arm. But lose your newspaper and what are you going to do for covers on a cold night while you're sleeping on a park bench? Try blanketing yourself with Matt Drudge to keep warm.

Unfortunately, Democratic senator Benjamin L. Cardin didn't get the joke. On March 24, his office issued the following press release:

U.S. Senator Benjamin L. Cardin (D-MD), today introduced legislation that would allow newspapers to become non-profit organizations in an effort to help the faltering industry survive. .  .  . The Newspaper Revitalization Act would allow newspapers to operate as non-profits, if they choose, under 501(c)(3) status for educational purposes, similar to public broadcasting.

Looks like we're going to have to swear off the jokes. They've become dangerously influential.

The Shales Award

THE SCRAPBOOK, tireless chronicler of America's political culture, has maintained an "Obama Suck-Up Watch" in the weeks and months since Barack Obama first appeared as a gleam in Democratic eyes. Of course, given the generally worshipful tone--and we use the word "worshipful" advisedly--adopted for President Obama in the media, the problem is not finding instances of stark adoration but choosing among hundreds of choice examples.

This past week, however, the Washington Post's veteran TV critic, Tom Shales, might well have placed himself in a separate category. Here is the way he begins his description of The One's most recent televised press conference:

Most of the facets of President Obama's personality that have made him intensely popular were on display last night during his second prime-time news conference, and so he emerged from it still every inch "President Wonderful," as it were, untouched and intact. On one hand, Obama looks as if he's been working too hard, but then that's exactly what we expect of the president .  .  .

Well, you get the idea. For unadulterated, schoolgirl-style reverence, Tom Shales has set a standard even THE SCRAPBOOK thought was unattainable and prompts us to suggest that the White House may want to supplement the traditional Presidential Medal of Freedom with an annual "Tom Shales Award," honoring its most slavish sycophants. To mark the occasion, there will be a special ceremony at the White House, featuring remarks, personal blessings from President Wonderful, and scrofulous-healing touches upon request.

The Rehabilitation of Client No. 9