In news that shocked absolutely nobody in the entire sports world, Bobby Valentine has been fired as manager of the Boston Red Sox. Valentine “went 69-93 in his only year in Boston, the ballclub's worst in almost 50 years.”

Valentine inherited a team in disarray. Players were eating fried chicken and drinking cold beer in the clubhouse during games and were visibly out of shape. Still, Valentine could not find a way to lay the club's misfortunes off on the previous manager (wasn’t that George W. Bush, anyway?). So he had to go.

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