Dadaist Moment

Home Game

An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood
by Michael Lewis
Norton, 192 pp., $23.95

Pope John XXIII once said that “it is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” Since the birth of my fourth child last year I’ve given substantial thought to this, and I’m not sure I entirely agree. If by “have children” he meant bringing them into the world, he’s more or less correct—although, of course, as we fathers are reminded time and again, it’s the mother who “has” children. (Perhaps “sire” is the more apt, if antiquated, verb.) But if “having” children means having them in one’s life, the comparison is murkier: Indeed, some fathers do nothing more than sire children and then vamoose. Others deign to have them in their lives but are too busy with work, or preoccupied by other pursuits, to appreciate the joys and hardships that attend child-raising. And others, the much-ballyhooed stay-at-home dads, consume their fatherly duties with relish, serving as primary caregivers. 

But what about the great mushy middle: those fathers who hold down full-time jobs but play an active role in bringing up their kids? This ranges from fathers who take weekends off to those who shoulder equal (or near-equal) responsibility for raising Dick and Jane. I count myself among these “moderates,” striving to get home from work every night in time for dinner, bath, book, and bed—and returning, inevitably, to computer afterward for several hours. I rise early with the children each morning so that my wife, who spent the night nursing the baby, can snatch an extra 90 minutes of sleep. Weekends are sacred family time: (almost) no work during waking hours, no political events, no “guys’ day out.”