Einstein Bageled

Some people may say I am being paranoid here, but I’m not. Because the neutrino incident wasn’t an isolated case. Not long ago, physicists announced that they had finally located the long sought-after Higgs Boson, a particle that endows other particles with mass. Big whoop. The fact is, I’ve got a dozen Higgs Bosons sitting in a bird feeder right outside my kitchen window. I was literally on the point of publishing my report on them when the scientists beat me to the punch and released their results.

And where were those scientists from? The European Organization for Nuclear Research. That’s right, CERN. Coincidence, you say? I think not.

Joe Queenan is the author, most recently, of Closing Time: A Memoir.