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Not Dead Yet

Introducing the pre-obituary: a few choice words before you go.

Jun 7, 2010, Vol. 15, No. 36 • By P.J. O'ROURKE
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Plus there are quite a few show business types who actually are past their sell-by dates. Keith Richards is a high-mileage 66 and Mick Jagger is pushing 67 with a short stick. The members of the Who (those “who” remain alive) have a cumulative age greater than the number of hours it feels like it takes to listen to Tommy. “Hope I die before I get old,” indeed. To make a detailed list of this category of geriatric star mark down everyone who’s played the Super Bowl halftime since Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, plus Janet (44).

Finally there is the Pre-Obituary of an individual that can be run as a regular feature: “______________ Mysteriously Not Shot by His Wife.” The item is as predictable as “Hints From Heloise,” but what newspaper reader will be able to resist a weekly—or even daily—peek into the ongoing living death of John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Eliot Spitzer, and Tiger Woods.

P.J. O’Rourke, a contributing editor to The Weekly Standard, is author, most recently, of Driving Like Crazy.

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