Pant by Numbers

Like most Americans, I have constructed my personality and lifestyle almost entirely by consulting magazines. I have purchased the “10 Stocks You Need to Own Today!” and long ago mastered the “7 Ways to Drive a Woman Wild!” I have also benefited from such superb articles as “Six Weeks to Tighter Abs!” and “Five Can’t-Miss Techniques for Lowering Blood Pressure!” Needless to say, I have also sampled several of the “10 Stay-Cations That Won’t Bust Your Family Budget!” Without these helpful articles, I would not be able to function.

Lately, however, I have noticed that magazines are suffering from an odd strain of numerological serendipity, with preposterously large and increasingly weird numbers turning up on the covers. “131 Great Recipes” is the come-on plastered across the cover of Food Network. “57 Best Beers” is what Maxim pushed in February. “25 Fun Ways to Go Nude (Without Freezing Your Butt Off)” teases Cosmopolitan.

Wait a minute! Don’t I do that every morning when I take a nice hot shower? For this I need Cosmo?

These are not isolated examples. “141 Super-Fun Recipes and Simple Ideas” is the headline beckoning from the cover of Cuisine Tonight: Quick and Easy Menus. “30 Spring Essentials to Revive Your Skin, Hair and Wardrobe” promises Woman’s Day. Slightly upping the ante, ReadyMade offers “35 Projects to Make Every Day An Adventure.” Getting completely out of control is Glamour, whose cover pitches “700 Instant Outfits and Ideas.”