Patrick Cooke

The successful have always been eyed with suspicion by the plain, decent old folk over at NPR, except for the once or twice a year when the alms cup comes out for a rattle or two. So it was a little astonishing to hear Garrison Keillor, the Clem Kadiddlehopper of the pubic airwaves, sing this smug little ditty, “Forever Dumb,” last Saturday night during NPR’s pledge week:

May you always be important
And cool and stylish too.
And be admired by others
And have people wait on you.

May the members of your fan club
Fill a great big stadium
May you stay forever dumb.

May you grow up to be beautiful
And very rich and slim
May God give you everything you want
Though you don’t believe in Him.

My you ever be successful
As you follow your own drum
May you stay forever dumb.

May your hands always be skillful
May your cars always swift
Oh a big red Maserati
With an automatic shift.

May you stick you finger in the pie
And always find the plum
May you stay forever dumb.

If you’d felt any inclination to reach for the phone and pledge, you probably had to at least stop and wonder why NPR would treat with derision those who are in the best position to give. Yes, the network’s thank you gift included the choice of a subscription to Newsweek or the New Yorker, but couldn’t decide. Too dumb, I guess.