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Help Wanted

1:53 PM, Feb 4, 2010 • By JONATHAN V. LAST
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Jobless claims rose unexpectedly this week, but not all of the news is bad. Some firms are still hiring. Ever dream of traveling the world and losing thousands of basketball games in a row? Well the Washington Generals are looking for you!From the Generals' website:

The WASHINGTON GENERALS basketball team is seeking players to tour the United States and the world with the famous Harlem Globetrotters! This is an outstanding opportunity to break into professional basketball while playing for a 58 year nationally recognized organization.

The Generals have played in over 120 countries, making them one of the most traveled basketball teams in history. Generals’ players have assisted the Trotters in pioneering basketball around the world as well as serving as United States ambassadors of the sport. We play the game at a high level and push the ‘Trotters to play their best. The Generals serve an important role in the Globetrotters tours and realize the final score does not always define winners.

It sure doesn't.

Between 1953 and 1995, the Generals were something like 6-13,000 against the Harlem Globetrotters. (These stats are from Wikipedia, not ELIAS, so take them as you will.) Their last win against the Clown Princes of Basketball came in 1971, but even then it was a hollow victory because the Generals were playing as the New Jersey Reds that day.

Formed in 1952 by Red Klotz, the Generals play under several different monickers--sometimes as the Reds, or the Boston Shamrocks, the Atlantic City Seagulls, or the Baltimore Rockets. Again, according to Wikipedia, the Generals were "disbanded" in 1995, after which they spent 12 years playing under the banner of the New York Nationals. In 2007 the Generals returned, bound for ever greater glory.

And now they're waiting for you. (All kidding aside, I bet it's a fantastic gig. I can't think of too many ways that would be more fun to spend a couple of years in your early 20s.)

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