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Not to be Outdone (Satire)

11:25 AM, Jan 27, 2012 • By VICTORINO MATUS
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The question was, "We have many qualified, Hispanic leaders. Which of our Hispanic leaders would you consider to serve in your cabinet?" Santorum, by dint of his position on stage, got to speak first, picking the very obvious choice of up-and-coming Florida senator Marco Rubio. Gingrich came in second and it wouldn't have sufficed to say, "I agree." The former speaker hinted at Rubio as a future commander in chief and also mentioned New Mexico governor Susana Martinez and Florida congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen. Poor Mitt Romney was third in line for questioning and knew he, too, had to top his rivals. His answer was lengthy but impressive:

We—we are blessed—we're blessed to have an enormous number of highly qualified Hispanic-Americans in the Republican Party and leadership right now. Brian Sandoval, the governor of—of Nevada. You mentioned Susana Martinez in New Mexico. I—both of the Diaz-Balart brothers, one retired from Congress, the other currently there. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, Mel Martinez is back in the private sector. Who knows, he could be pulled back. Of course, Senator Marco Rubio a—a terrific Hispanic-American. I—I'm sure I'm missing many, many others, but we have a—a remarkable—Carlos Gutierrez, formerly secretary of Commerce, Pedro Martinez, Juan Valdez, Eva Longoria, Jimmy Smits, Ricardo Montalban—that fellow who runs a terrific island resort where all your wishes come true—Freddy Prinze Jr., a terrific actor, and speaking of terrific actors, there's Emilio Estevez and Selena Gomez, Gomez from The Addams Family, Jennifer Lopez, Trini Lopez, and Mario Lopez from Saved by the Bell...

Ron Paul wisely decided not to get specific.

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