Status Update: We Don't Care

Tuna salad or chicken salad? Why not ask your friends on Facebook? It's freezing outside. Shouldn't your friends know it's freezing, too? If you answered no to the above, you're not alone. A poll conducted by Real Simple magazine reveals the Facebook updates we find most annoying, all of which are spot on. And yes, Matt Labash, we know you told us so.

24 percent: Intentionally vague posts meant to generate concern and attention, a.k.a. vaguebooking. “Jennifer wonders whether it’s all been worth it.”

20 percent: Chronic complaining. “Ugh, who ordered this RAIN? It’s making my carpal tunnel act up again.”

19 percent: Meaningless calls to action. “If you want to fight world hunger, put the color of your socks as your status update for the next half hour. I want to see who is brave enough to take a stand.”

14 percent: Oversharing. “Note to self: Next time, wear a thong with that wrap dress.”

13 percent: Miscellaneous posts—including polarizing religious or political statements, indecipherable txt spk, and game updates.

10 percent: Posting too frequently. “12:03: Chicken salad or tuna? 12:12: Chicken! Thanks for the responses.”

In Labash's cover story "Down with Facebook," the author quotes Fox contributor Greg Gutfeld, who explains, "Instead of making things, we're telling people how great Gossip Girl is. Would your grandfather go on Facebook? Probably not. I think we've become a country thirsting for attention—Facebook is basically Googling yourself for people who don't have enough hits to warrant it."

This is true but a rather mean take on the social phenomenon. For someone who spends her entire day chasing after kids, status updates are an outlet to the adult world—an ounce of sanity in an otherwise insane day. And comments to those updates are reassurances she is not alone. (Yes, I mention this in case my wife reads this item.)

Still, I'd agree with these complaints (especially vaguebooking) as the most eyerolling. (I've always been tempted to reply to such posts by saying, Oh, you're cold? Then get a [expletive] blanket. Hungry for a cookie? Then eat the [expletive] cookie.)