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'Twas the Week before Christmas

An ode to St. Mitch.

9:23 AM, Dec 17, 2010 • By JOHN MCCORMACK
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The boss claims that this was slipped under his hotel room door in New York late last night:

'Twas the Week before Christmas

'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the House
(And Senate), the appropriators were stirring, each quiet as a mouse.
The earmarks were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the public wouldn't notice they were there.

Many members were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And Nancy in her Okerchief, and Harry in his cap,
Were ready to settle their brains for a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The pols sprang from their offices to see what was the matter.
Away to the window they flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to their wondering eyes should there be,
But a miniature CR, and a united GOP.

With a clever driver, so lively and quick,
All knew in a moment it must be St. Mitch.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Coburn! Now, Cornyn! Now, DeMint and McCain!
Read the bill! All of it! Let's raise some cain!
To the cameras! To talk radio! Let's scream and yell,
And consign thousands of earmarks to a fiery hell!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
As the public revolted, the spenders started to cry:
"But wait, what's wrong? This is how it's done!
With our sleigh full of toys, we're having some fun."

But then, in a twinkling, they heard out the door
The rumbling and growling of the people's roar:
"No business as usual! Let's cut out the pork!
Or we're coming for you with a knife and a fork!"

It was over in a flash. Reid folded like a cheap suit.
And the Democratic Congress was left with ashes and soot.
The bundle of toys they had flung on their back,
They despondently put back in their copious sack.

McCain's eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
When he took to the floor to chortle and crow.

All relished the victory. The people had said nope.
And the Republicans had listened--a cause of hope!
Plus tax rates were staying down for two years!
The big government liberals were reduced to tears.

The tea party was strong, and ready to fight,
It was a wonderful, heartening, inspiring sight.
Now if only the old Congress would sound the bell--
But they still wanted to act on don't ask, don't tell.

So no more merriment, but back to work,
To defend the military, and their noble work.
Still, it was a good week, all agreed,
Though many more like it the country does need.

So Mitch sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

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