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The Otis B. Driftwood Option

10:28 AM, Mar 26, 2008 • By KEVIN KUSINITZ
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Jake Tapper is reporting that Hillary Clinton is ready to pull the "Tonya Harding Option":

It implies that Clinton is so set on ensuring that Obama doesn't get the nomination, not only is she willing to take extra-ruthless steps, but in the end neither she nor Obama win the gold.

Sure sounds plausible. Tonya, you might remember, was a white-trash, crisis-laden skater who kneecapped Nancy Kerrigan in order to have a clear shot at winning the 1994 Olympics. Both ultimately lost. Hillary, of course, is Harding, who tried her best to look innocent while her goons did the dirty work.

Contrarian that I am, however, I'd like to present what I call the Otis B. Driftwood Option, named after Groucho Marx's character in A Night at the Opera. This is the movie where Driftwood, a fast-talking swindler, deliberately destroys a wonderful singer (Walter Woolf King) in order to further the career of another (Kitty Carlisle). Groucho does this with the aid of two henchmen, a mush-mouthed conman who makes less sense the more he speaks (Chico) and a mute (Harpo) who looks innocent but is the most vicious of the bunch.

In the Otis B. Driftwood Option, Bill Clinton is Groucho, Mark Penn is Chico, Hillary is Harpo and Obama is Walter Woolf King. John McCain is Kitty Carlisle. No one can tell me that isn't a more interesting scenario.

(And I know Allan Jones triumphs over Walter Woolf King at the end, but Kitty Carlisle makes for a better punchline.)