Saying the British are wussy is like calling the Italians romantic, the Germans belligerent, the French arrogant. Still, this seems particularly wussy even for them:

Children under the age of eight have been banned from playing in football leagues and cups amid fears they are under too much pressure from competitive parents.

Youngsters can still play matches but results must be kept private and no league tables can be compiled, according to the ruling from the Football Association. And they should not compete in knockout tournaments where trophies or medals are at stake as FA officials fear the pressure could be too great.

The move -- due to be enforced when the new season starts in September -- is aimed at protecting children from pushy parents and aggressive coaches on the touchline, and from peer pressure and bullying.

He added: 'We are trying to create an environment where children can develop their skills and enjoy the game without the pressure of having to get a result week in, week out. Children told us they were giving up football because they were getting hollered at if they made a mistake.

I'm sure David Beckham's parents never "hollered" at him. No doubt it was all hugs and kisses on the field, in front of his mates, that made him the soccer player/underwear model he is today. Goes to show Britain's dystopian future has less in common with V for Vendatta than Walden II.