The Blog

Biggest News of the Day

5:44 PM, Aug 25, 2008 • By MATTHEW CONTINETTI
Widget tooltip
Single Page Print Larger Text Smaller Text Alerts

It comes from Dave Barry: "I'll be on hand to report all the convention news developments to you from Denver as I think them up. Then next week I'll head to Minnesota or possibly Wisconsin and do the same from the Republican convention."

A sample from his first dispatch:

It's hard to blame Sen. Clinton for being bitter. Here she is, the smartest human ever, PLUS she spent all those years standing loyally behind Bill Clinton wearing uncomfortable panty hose (I mean that Hillary was, not Bill) (although there are rumors), PLUS she went to the trouble and expense of acquiring a legal residence in New York state so she could be a senator from there, PLUS she assembled a team of nuclear-physicist-grade genius political advisers, PLUS she spent years going around to every dirtbag community in America explaining in detail her 23-point policy solutions for every single problem facing the nation including soybean blight. And after all that, she loses the nomination to a guy who has roughly the same amount of executive governmental experience as Hannah Montana. Hillary is like, "Are you KIDDING me?"

The man is a national treasure. No joke.